Full surrender

In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. -Hebrews 12:4

It always seems like we can ease our way out of bad habits, but I'm starting to see that sin can't be half-dealt with.

A week ago, I caught a vision of what things could be like if I completely repented--fully turned from the old and towards the new. It's a little scary, and it requires me being all in, not 75%, 80%, or 95%.

When you think of managing risk, which is greater - to sacrifice something for God, or to keep it from him? He only has our best interest in mind, and when we choose our own way we end up missing out on some blessing. The opportunity cost of following our way instead of his is songs unwritten, orphanages never started, people untouched, hearts, minds and souls unreached.

It matters what we choose.

I don't want distraction anymore. I don't want half-hearted pleasures, I don't want confusion, I don't want a blanket of comfort if it's hindering me.

It's tempting to look at everything you're missing out on when you choose God, but those things will eventually come. Obedience to God now is probably a better decision than grasping for future blessings when they aren't yours yet. There's a time for everything, and I want to be fully in the time I'm in now.

God is changing me. I feel more comfort, life, and wholeness with my hands empty rather than white knuckled and clenched around the things I want.