Welcome Intruder

The gentle look in your eyes hits violent chords in me
All night I watch the clock for the crescendo to break
Is there any clean escape from this incessant flowering
Growing and dying, like springtime, inviting
A welcome intruder
Who sits in my roots and climbs up my limbs
Growing, dying, reviving for the win.
How do you fight a thing
With no lips and no arms?
No weapon to swing,
No reason to harm,
When the foe you aim your shots at
Is the one you want to love.

Fateful Turns

(Taken from my friend Ralph Nardell on Flickr)

Chick Flicks

My mom said something really interesting about chick flicks in the car today. Don't they always seem to present terrible situations in a sugar-coated, "it will all be OK in the end" sort of way?

At the end of the move, things like divorce, heartbreak, betrayal, etc. wrap up neatly in a nice ending that makes everyone feel good about themselves.

What happened to classics like Gone With the Wind, Great Gatsby, or Troy? Helen brought down an entire kingdom with her shenanigans. Queen Elizabeth did the opposite and got maaaaad respect for it. Actually, a lot of historians say that her rule significantly altered the course of Western history, in a good way. What's funny is that stories likes these from different eras are probably closer to showing the real outcomes in ours. At least more than chick flicks do.

Thinking about this mentally prepared me for what happened a few hours later. A woman was crying as she came out of the bathroom and I felt terrible for her. It was slightly awkward to ask, but I went up to see if she needed prayer. We ended up talking for hours about the challenges she was facing in her marriage, and afterwards she felt so much better.

One day I'll probably look back and realize that everything else in my life was hay, rubble, and wood, burning away in a fire, when moments like these were pure gold.

I'm so sick of the way our culture trivializes everything. We put price tags on each other based on how attractive, funny, wealthy, talented blah blah blah we are. I feel like Peeta in the Hunger Games when he wanted to prove to the game maker that the capitol didn't own him.

Even if we don't agree with the laws that govern this system, we are still under them somehow. For the past week I've had this curious, growing hunger in me to pendulum swing - in a good way - towards something else. Something more noble.

Faith and Glory

I was driving to New York last week when I heard this on a Tim Keller podcast:

His purposes will ripen fast

Unfolding every hour

The bud may have a bitter taste,

But sweet will be the flower.

You fearful saints, fresh courage take!

The clouds you so much dread, 

Are big with mercy - and shall break -

With blessings on your head.

I think this poem describes exactly how God works. A year ago from today I had nothing in my life figured out. I was a recent college grad, waitressing, wandering around my house every day in sweatpants, trying to take my creative work seriously. Everything in me wanted to quit, but I kept feeling that gentle nudge, "Keep going, it's worth it." 

...His purposes will ripen fast

Unfolding every hour...

Fast forward 8 months and I pinch myself every day, wondering how I got so lucky - not just with more work than I can't keep up with, but with new friendships, fresh creativity, travel opportunities, and seriously magical experiences. It struck me while I was working at the Ace Hotel the other day. I'm starting to live out my dream - creating epiphany moments and moving people's hearts to care about things that matter. 

I'm realizing this is how God works: you trust Him fully, he gives you everything and more. The lie we always believe - and the thief of joy - is exactly the opposite: if you follow Him, he's going to withhold from you what you really want. I think the reason why this lie works on us so well is because there is an element of truth in it. Obedience usually requires some level of sacrifice, and it usually feels awful, but it's always the best thing for us. 

...The bud may have a bitter taste,

But sweet will be the flower...

When we step out in faith and do the hard thing, God brings us out into glory, then we step out in faith again, and he brings us even deeper into that glory. Faith and glory are inextricably tied. 

Jessi is the best at this. She has the kind of faith that makes her believe God's future promises are true in the present moment. She's always bringing everyone around her on board to risk and trust with her, and it's amazing to get to be a part of it. 

We almost have to bulldoze blindly through the confusion until we eventually arrive out in a clearing where we see why all of the fog, mud tracks, and road blocks were necessary. The resistance drives us to a place of full dependence on God, makes us people of character, and stamps a spirit of thankfulness onto our bones - all of which are profoundly more important than any tangible blessing we could receive in this life. It also makes for a better story. 

After seeing God work this way so many times, I honestly get a little excited when things get difficult, because I know it can only lead to bigger and brighter seasons of fullness. 

...Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take!

the clouds ye so much dread, 

Are big with mercy - and shall break -

With blessings on your head.

Emily Bronte

Remembrance

Cold in the earth -- and the deep snow piled above thee,
Far, far removed, cold in the dreary grave!
Have I forgot, my only Love, to love thee,
Severed at last by Time's all-severing wave?

Now, when alone, do my thoughts no longer hover
Over the mountains, on that northern shore,
Resting their wings where heath and fern leaves cover
Thy noble heart forever, ever more?

Cold in the earth -- and fifteen wild Decembers,
From those brown hills, have melted into spring;
Faithful, indeed, is the spirit that remembers
After such years of change and suffering!

Sweet Love of youth, forgive, if I forget thee,
While the world's tide is bearing me along;
Other desires and other hopes beset me,
Hopes which obscure, but cannot do thee wrong!

No later light has lightened up my heaven,
No second morn has ever shone for me;
All my life's bliss from thy dear life was given,
All my life's bliss is in the grave with thee.

But, when the days of golden dreams had perished,
And even Despair was powerless to destroy,
Then did I learn how existence could be cherished,
Strengthened, and fed without the aid of joy.

Then did I check the tears of useless passion --
Weaned my young soul from yearning after thine;
Sternly denied its burning wish to hasten
Down to that tomb already more than mine.

And, even yet, I dare not let it languish,
Dare not indulge in memory's rapturous pain;
Once drinking deep of that divinest anguish,
How could I seek the empty world again? 

Fun is the New Hot.

Working out has a converse effect on me. The skinner I get, the fatter I feel. Anyone with me?

When you're throwing down triple chocolate meltdowns, life is good. But once bizarre things like getting more defined butt dimples becomes the sole reason for your existence -- you start to hate your body and your life.

I feel like health, fitness, and beauty is this huge melodrama that women get sucked into. And it's so pointless. No one notices when you lose five pounds. Or cares.

This is the thought that led to my brilliant daydream. Imagine if all the beauty-obsessed women in the world transferred their energy into being fun. So like, at a party where everyone would typically be competing for the hottest, trying to get the most guys, and instagramming sexy pictures of themselves (booooring), instead, the secret competition would be about who could be the funniest, the craziest, and make the most people laugh.

The results were as follows:

Since you can't be fun all by yourself - no longer would girls be catty, exclusive, and throwing each other under the bus - they would be spontaneous, silly, and willing to look stupid for a change. In fact, we would probably be having so much fun that we wouldn't care about meeting guys. Then they would have to chase us -- which is what we're really after anyway (lets be honest).

Oh, and, we'd probably all just get skinny from being so happy.

What Do Women Want?