Faith and Glory

I was driving to New York last week when I heard this on a Tim Keller podcast:

His purposes will ripen fast

Unfolding every hour

The bud may have a bitter taste,

But sweet will be the flower.

You fearful saints, fresh courage take!

The clouds you so much dread, 

Are big with mercy - and shall break -

With blessings on your head.

I think this poem describes exactly how God works. A year ago from today I had nothing in my life figured out. I was a recent college grad, waitressing, wandering around my house every day in sweatpants, trying to take my creative work seriously. Everything in me wanted to quit, but I kept feeling that gentle nudge, "Keep going, it's worth it." 

...His purposes will ripen fast

Unfolding every hour...

Fast forward 8 months and I pinch myself every day, wondering how I got so lucky - not just with more work than I can't keep up with, but with new friendships, fresh creativity, travel opportunities, and seriously magical experiences. It struck me while I was working at the Ace Hotel the other day. I'm starting to live out my dream - creating epiphany moments and moving people's hearts to care about things that matter. 

I'm realizing this is how God works: you trust Him fully, he gives you everything and more. The lie we always believe - and the thief of joy - is exactly the opposite: if you follow Him, he's going to withhold from you what you really want. I think the reason why this lie works on us so well is because there is an element of truth in it. Obedience usually requires some level of sacrifice, and it usually feels awful, but it's always the best thing for us. 

...The bud may have a bitter taste,

But sweet will be the flower...

When we step out in faith and do the hard thing, God brings us out into glory, then we step out in faith again, and he brings us even deeper into that glory. Faith and glory are inextricably tied. 

Jessi is the best at this. She has the kind of faith that makes her believe God's future promises are true in the present moment. She's always bringing everyone around her on board to risk and trust with her, and it's amazing to get to be a part of it. 

We almost have to bulldoze blindly through the confusion until we eventually arrive out in a clearing where we see why all of the fog, mud tracks, and road blocks were necessary. The resistance drives us to a place of full dependence on God, makes us people of character, and stamps a spirit of thankfulness onto our bones - all of which are profoundly more important than any tangible blessing we could receive in this life. It also makes for a better story. 

After seeing God work this way so many times, I honestly get a little excited when things get difficult, because I know it can only lead to bigger and brighter seasons of fullness. 

...Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take!

the clouds ye so much dread, 

Are big with mercy - and shall break -

With blessings on your head.

Emily Bronte

Remembrance

Cold in the earth -- and the deep snow piled above thee,
Far, far removed, cold in the dreary grave!
Have I forgot, my only Love, to love thee,
Severed at last by Time's all-severing wave?

Now, when alone, do my thoughts no longer hover
Over the mountains, on that northern shore,
Resting their wings where heath and fern leaves cover
Thy noble heart forever, ever more?

Cold in the earth -- and fifteen wild Decembers,
From those brown hills, have melted into spring;
Faithful, indeed, is the spirit that remembers
After such years of change and suffering!

Sweet Love of youth, forgive, if I forget thee,
While the world's tide is bearing me along;
Other desires and other hopes beset me,
Hopes which obscure, but cannot do thee wrong!

No later light has lightened up my heaven,
No second morn has ever shone for me;
All my life's bliss from thy dear life was given,
All my life's bliss is in the grave with thee.

But, when the days of golden dreams had perished,
And even Despair was powerless to destroy,
Then did I learn how existence could be cherished,
Strengthened, and fed without the aid of joy.

Then did I check the tears of useless passion --
Weaned my young soul from yearning after thine;
Sternly denied its burning wish to hasten
Down to that tomb already more than mine.

And, even yet, I dare not let it languish,
Dare not indulge in memory's rapturous pain;
Once drinking deep of that divinest anguish,
How could I seek the empty world again? 

Fun is the New Hot.

Working out has a converse effect on me. The skinner I get, the fatter I feel. Anyone with me?

When you're throwing down triple chocolate meltdowns, life is good. But once bizarre things like getting more defined butt dimples becomes the sole reason for your existence -- you start to hate your body and your life.

I feel like health, fitness, and beauty is this huge melodrama that women get sucked into. And it's so pointless. No one notices when you lose five pounds. Or cares.

This is the thought that led to my brilliant daydream. Imagine if all the beauty-obsessed women in the world transferred their energy into being fun. So like, at a party where everyone would typically be competing for the hottest, trying to get the most guys, and instagramming sexy pictures of themselves (booooring), instead, the secret competition would be about who could be the funniest, the craziest, and make the most people laugh.

The results were as follows:

Since you can't be fun all by yourself - no longer would girls be catty, exclusive, and throwing each other under the bus - they would be spontaneous, silly, and willing to look stupid for a change. In fact, we would probably be having so much fun that we wouldn't care about meeting guys. Then they would have to chase us -- which is what we're really after anyway (lets be honest).

Oh, and, we'd probably all just get skinny from being so happy.

What Do Women Want?

With That Moon Language - Hafiz

July = Heart Explosion

Can someone freeze time?

This may have been the best month of my life--like one heart exploding moment to the next--lots of crazy partying, epiphanies, unexpected surprises, and God's presence thick like honey in all of it.

I'll start from the beginning.

The first week I spent at the beach with my family, mostly with my mom (in her beach chair with her baseball cap, practically in the water all day like a reptile, theorizing and seeing visions of the future). 


On Friday morning my girlfriends headed to Montauk for the weekend to celebrate Jessi's birthday. We mostly rolled around the town, bar-to-beach, with browning skin and salty hair, chatting about the great romance life is to us. We also created a near circus at Ruschmeyer's (getting 2/3 of the people in a venue to wear face paint for your best friend is an abnormal, but serious victory). 

On Tuesday I met up with our team serving in the South Bronx. We partnered with Sara Frazier's work - A House on Beekman. I watched the team take off their shoes, stand in God's glory and wash their neighbor's feet. This is the spirit of Jesus that changed my life forever 8 years ago. Being with them reminded me. And I got to film adorable inner city kids--my favorite!

After that I headed to Philly and stayed a few nights with Carolina at the Marriot. We did some stage design for the annual ACTS413 prayer event...and laughed. A lot.

Of course I was running around like a headless chicken shooting the event and--in my spare time--dragging my dad's staff members into a creepy stairwell for ANOTHER secret video shoot for his 50th birthday.  

Sneakily, stealthily, we put together a montage that came out with the big news... that he was flying out to the world's BEST golf course in St. Andrews, Scotland! 

...the magic of July just kept rolling. Saturday night Jessi and I had a life-changing conversation via an allegory I wrote in college, The Gumblers. It really does blow my mind that God would use a story about alien creatures holding water bubbles to alter the course of someone's destiny.

Speaking of how literature affects us, Monday night we had the author of The Shack over for dinner. When he shared his story, there wasn't a dry eye in the room. I feel like I met a friend, like when two souls are fellow travelers on the same journey. C.S. Lewis says the picture of lovers is two people staring in each other's eyes, but the picture of friendship is two people staring at the road ahead. Friendship is always about something else. Something much bigger than either of you.

And as if this month hasn't been wild enough, I just found out today that Ken Graves, aka The divine and human bird, is visiting tomorrow. {heart explosion times one hundred thousand million}

Dear Ken, you coming to my house, riding trees like a mountain man to the ground, reciting poetry around the fire, and banging tables in righteous anger is probably the best way I could imagine ending the best month of my life.

Cupcake cafe

I like this place! Anita and I basically sat here all day and worked remotely.

The ambience is somewhat shabby-chic with a white stone slab of a table, tons of outlets, benches, and really thrown together decorations (so New York). A big window sits to my left so I can dream and people watch as my files render themselves away. And a big plus is, it's close to jessi.

I can see myself having a meeting here. It's cozy enough to hole yourself up and work all day and not feel restless... Quiet... Unassuming...