The rules of communication are slowly being obliterated.
Supposedly 58% of communication is through body language and 35%through vocal tone, pitch, and emphasis. That leaves 7% for all our texting, emailing, and twittering...and I don't know the statistic on this, but judging from my own life, that 7% has to be over 60% of my communication in a day.
In the 7%, I don't feel dishonest when I'm dishonest. I "like" things on facebook that I definitely hate, or at least feel indifferent towards, and I've also noticed that when I'm least interested in what someone says through text, I respond with "haha." How messed up is that. I say it because it's an easy statement that ends a conversation and requires no response.
It's messed up because, while I'm thinking, "I'm so glad to be blowing you off while appearing friendly," they are thinking they're funny.
I'm also fascinated by certain internet creepers. What is the return on investment for chatting a girl every day for a year with no response?
To be fair, it's not like previous generations had it better. Social media didn't exist in Pride and Prejudice times, but neither did deodorant. Still, it's kind of nice that girls could play "Pick-up-Sticks" without stopping to instagram the sticks, and the sticks from a cooler angle, to make the lord who lived 50 miles away want to date them. Because if the lord suddenly wished he was there playing pick up sticks too, he wouldn't be able to get there for another three days. People would travel for hours just to get into town, and to not buy anything nearly as needed as deodorant. Every little thing was inconvenient, and a big deal, and I don't want to whine abut how we're exiting a golden age - but nothing seems to be a big deal anymore.
There's more of everything and it's easier to get all of it. We have a zillion ways to communicate with anyone all over the world, but people are still people, like they were in the stone age, probably confusing each other with drawings in caves, except now we sit in our beds with computers, connected to facebook groups and tribes, managing 1753 "friends," online dating profiles, email, LinkedIn contacts, skype, chat, etc.
But let's be honest, with all our advanced technology, we are probably just communicating poorly with more people faster.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Monday, October 28, 2013
Two Kinds of Light
Matthew 6:22-23
“The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!"
It's that last line that gets be. "If then the light in you is darkness..."
How could light be darkness?
Unless, there are two different kinds of lights: the kind that come in as light and stays light, and the kind that comes in as light and turns dark.
A commentary I read gave me some insight. It links this part of scripture to a parable Jesus told of workers in a vineyard. They all worked different hours, but their master paid them all the same thing—a denarius. In other words, he was lavishly generous to those who worked only one hour, and he paid the agreed amount to those who worked twelve hours.
“The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!"
It's that last line that gets be. "If then the light in you is darkness..."
How could light be darkness?
Unless, there are two different kinds of lights: the kind that come in as light and stays light, and the kind that comes in as light and turns dark.
A commentary I read gave me some insight. It links this part of scripture to a parable Jesus told of workers in a vineyard. They all worked different hours, but their master paid them all the same thing—a denarius. In other words, he was lavishly generous to those who worked only one hour, and he paid the agreed amount to those who worked twelve hours.
"Those who worked all day “grumbled at the master of the house” (Matthew 20:11). They were angry that those who worked so little were paid so much. Then the master used a phrase about “the bad eye” which is just like the one back in Matthew 6:23. He said, “Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or do you begrudge my generosity?” (Matthew 20:15).
Unfortunately that last clause is a total paraphrase, not a translation. “Or do you begrudge my generosity” is a very loose paraphrase of “Or is your eye bad because I am good (ë ho ophthalmos sou ponëros estin hoti egö agathos eimi?)” The “bad eye” here parallels the “bad eye” in Matthew 6:23.
What does the bad eye refer to in Matthew 20:15? It refers to an eye that cannot see the beauty of grace. It cannot see the brightness of generosity. It cannot see unexpected blessing to others as a precious treasure. It is an eye that is blind to what is truly beautiful and bright and precious and God-like....when your eye sees things this way, you are full of light. And if you don’t see things this way, even the light you think you see (the glitz and flash and skin and muscle of this world) is all darkness. You are sleepwalking through life. You are serving money as a slave without even knowing it."
Name The Voices in Your Head
Just when I started making decisions rationally... then there was the Adjustment Bureau.
Movies mess with our heads, because it appears that real life would be just like them. They give us the power to see inside every character's mind, but also the pleasure of sympathizing with their inability to do the same. We know Matt never called Emily because he lost her number. We know Emily really loves Matt even though she got engaged to someone else.
In real life, we can't have that power. We are, like Matt and Emily, confused, hurt, lacking closure, needing affirmation when something doesn't work out. We don't have the privilege of seeing all sides of the story unfold as we're living it.
Sometimes you follow your gut and sometimes you don't, but when should you?
I've made a paradigm that helped me - and might help you.
With any decision, there are multiple voices chiming in their advice: our fears, our desires, our memory, our parents, our stomach aches, our blood rushes to the head, the voice of God himself maybe.
Step 1 is to give those voices a name. I've named mine:
Emotion
Logic
Intuition
Divine Revelation
Before you name them, spend some time and consideration listening to the tone and color of each voice. Take emotion, for instance. As C.S. Lewis said, "Emotions are wonderful servants, but terrible masters." They have a place, but for some of us, they are sitting on a throne. You can't dethrone them without know what they sound like, especially if you're calling them "God" or just ignoring them.
Step 2: take a situation (relationship, work problem, etc.) that has been bothering you, and write it out from the perspective of each voice.
If you only listened to emotion, what would it be saying? If you only listened to the logical procession of events, would the story sound different? If you let your intuition be the only deciding factor, rationality and feelings aside, how would the story go then? What was God whispering to you during the whole process? Was there a scripture, or a verse that kept coming back to you?
Step 3: Read back each story out loud, and see which one sounds like truth.
Step 4: Over time, analyze the results. Which voice seems to be helping you the most? Tune out the others, and start listening to that one.
Movies mess with our heads, because it appears that real life would be just like them. They give us the power to see inside every character's mind, but also the pleasure of sympathizing with their inability to do the same. We know Matt never called Emily because he lost her number. We know Emily really loves Matt even though she got engaged to someone else.
In real life, we can't have that power. We are, like Matt and Emily, confused, hurt, lacking closure, needing affirmation when something doesn't work out. We don't have the privilege of seeing all sides of the story unfold as we're living it.
Sometimes you follow your gut and sometimes you don't, but when should you?
I've made a paradigm that helped me - and might help you.
With any decision, there are multiple voices chiming in their advice: our fears, our desires, our memory, our parents, our stomach aches, our blood rushes to the head, the voice of God himself maybe.
Step 1 is to give those voices a name. I've named mine:
Emotion
Logic
Intuition
Divine Revelation
Before you name them, spend some time and consideration listening to the tone and color of each voice. Take emotion, for instance. As C.S. Lewis said, "Emotions are wonderful servants, but terrible masters." They have a place, but for some of us, they are sitting on a throne. You can't dethrone them without know what they sound like, especially if you're calling them "God" or just ignoring them.
Step 2: take a situation (relationship, work problem, etc.) that has been bothering you, and write it out from the perspective of each voice.
If you only listened to emotion, what would it be saying? If you only listened to the logical procession of events, would the story sound different? If you let your intuition be the only deciding factor, rationality and feelings aside, how would the story go then? What was God whispering to you during the whole process? Was there a scripture, or a verse that kept coming back to you?
Step 3: Read back each story out loud, and see which one sounds like truth.
Step 4: Over time, analyze the results. Which voice seems to be helping you the most? Tune out the others, and start listening to that one.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
There Are No Mortals
"Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations--these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit--immortal horrors or everlasting splendors." (C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory)
Imagine that the narrative of Genesis were true, and that the people we see around us everyday were really intended to be like God -- brilliant, different, intelligent, and beautiful -- not the stressed out, crude, ordinary beings we think we're surrounded by.
I'm looking at this woman across from me at Burlap and Bean. Short dark hair, black workout jacket, seems to be typing something important into her computer. Is she really a fallen goddess? I wonder if she knows? I've been raised to think that she's just an animal, an intelligent animal at best.
Are we animals or are we little gods? If she was in line to get coffee in front of me, would I play survival of the fittest to get what I want (at the moment being coffee), or would I smile widely and honor her the way I would royalty, the way I would immortality.
"It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations."
We may not realize it, but every day we carry the weight of our neighbor's glory.
Have you ever had someone carry yours for you? My sister recently gave me a present she had gotten while she was visiting Oxford. It's a short story by modern artist Yoko Ono titled "The Invisible Flower." I opened to the first page and started reading about a young girl who sees a rose in a field where the conditions are too cold for them to grow. She runs to get a closer look, but when she finally gets there, she can't find it. She looks everywhere, wondering if what she saw was real. When I finished reading, eyes watering, my sister looked deeply into them and said, "Yes. You did see it. The dreams that you once saw haven't stopped existing just because you've forgotten them. Keep going."
That day, my sister saw me in my current state, with all my half written endeavors, scatterbrained forgetfulness, and invisible flowers, and she brought me closer to glory. I would be lost without the people in my life who see with eyes like this, and who treat others with the dignity they were created for, not necessarily the dignity they deserve.
On this point, I couldn't agree with C.S. Lewis more. "Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbor is the holiest object presented to your senses."
Monday, December 31, 2012
Friday, December 28, 2012
Am I Crazy?
Tonight I'm up at 3:57 a.m. editing a video. About potatoes.
After two hours of listening to focus groups discuss au gratin vs. cheesy I kind of wanted to die. So I got in the shower and almost actually died when my sister walked in unannounced (because of course I had been imagining people behind the shower curtain. And for a split second I thought she might be one of those people).
So for the rest of my shower I wondered, is everyone else as crazy as I am?
Maybe creative people are all hanging by a thread. Like we're pretending to be normal, but at any minute we could snap and the world would see us for who we really are - not borderline insane, but actually insane.
Is it normal to always hear the sound of your own thoughts louder than any noise around you? I think my fear of being alone at night has nothing to do with a fear of darkness...but the silence and emptiness that comes with darkness. The crack of a door, the brush of a shower curtain are enough to send violent shock waves through me. When my head is on my pillow I can hear full symphonies. I can wake up from a dream and feel the presence of nothingness so strong that it strikes me with panic. In the dark, material things stop speaking and invisible things take their turn - and the presence of them is so horrifying and delightful I'll never understand it.
It's this combination of sensuality and imagination that makes artists so stir crazy. We feel things and imagine things until eventually we're just imagining we're feeling things. After one of my faux break ups with someone I never dated, I remember grabbing a cab with my friends, sitting between them and having a near mental breakdown. Between sobs I kept saying, "I'm normal, I'm normal." To which my friend responded, "No you're not." Smiling. (because he's not normal either).
There are negative side effects to creativity, but every truly creative person will admit they kind of enjoy the torment. If someone told me they would flatten me out by taking away all of the fear, nausea, and jumping a foot in the air from the brush of a shower curtain (not to mention seeing people behind the shower curtain) I would be tempted to trade those things, but I could never follow through with it. Every time I've tried to take an easier road, the beauty always went with it.
It's a package deal. The heightened sensuality that makes you panic at night helps you write music. The thoughts that flood your head with nonsense sometimes manage to write themselves into beautiful stories that make people cry. And the ability to make people cry is not crazy. It's beautiful.
After two hours of listening to focus groups discuss au gratin vs. cheesy I kind of wanted to die. So I got in the shower and almost actually died when my sister walked in unannounced (because of course I had been imagining people behind the shower curtain. And for a split second I thought she might be one of those people).
So for the rest of my shower I wondered, is everyone else as crazy as I am?
Is it normal to always hear the sound of your own thoughts louder than any noise around you? I think my fear of being alone at night has nothing to do with a fear of darkness...but the silence and emptiness that comes with darkness. The crack of a door, the brush of a shower curtain are enough to send violent shock waves through me. When my head is on my pillow I can hear full symphonies. I can wake up from a dream and feel the presence of nothingness so strong that it strikes me with panic. In the dark, material things stop speaking and invisible things take their turn - and the presence of them is so horrifying and delightful I'll never understand it.
It's this combination of sensuality and imagination that makes artists so stir crazy. We feel things and imagine things until eventually we're just imagining we're feeling things. After one of my faux break ups with someone I never dated, I remember grabbing a cab with my friends, sitting between them and having a near mental breakdown. Between sobs I kept saying, "I'm normal, I'm normal." To which my friend responded, "No you're not." Smiling. (because he's not normal either).
There are negative side effects to creativity, but every truly creative person will admit they kind of enjoy the torment. If someone told me they would flatten me out by taking away all of the fear, nausea, and jumping a foot in the air from the brush of a shower curtain (not to mention seeing people behind the shower curtain) I would be tempted to trade those things, but I could never follow through with it. Every time I've tried to take an easier road, the beauty always went with it.
It's a package deal. The heightened sensuality that makes you panic at night helps you write music. The thoughts that flood your head with nonsense sometimes manage to write themselves into beautiful stories that make people cry. And the ability to make people cry is not crazy. It's beautiful.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Friday, November 23, 2012
Why Women Like Jerks
Jean Valjean.
All throughout Les Miserables I was completely captivated by him. His character, his strength, his anger, his gentleness, and his firm resolve to bring mercy and justice into the world are just...stunning.
All throughout Les Miserables I was completely captivated by him. His character, his strength, his anger, his gentleness, and his firm resolve to bring mercy and justice into the world are just...stunning.
I forgot men could be like that, watching them run around in skinny jeans trying to muster up the courage to hit on girls at bars. Even still, I know that whenever I fall for a guy, regardless of who he really is, I always think the world of him. Sometimes it's blind, sometimes it's crazy, but it's what girls do.
We catch a glimpse of greatness in a man, fall for the potential, and then want to play a small part in bringing it out. Why did Belle fall for a beast? Why did Mr. Darcy drive Lizzie so crazy, when she was spirited, fierce and beautiful and he was a dour, tortured soul?
We catch a glimpse of greatness in a man, fall for the potential, and then want to play a small part in bringing it out. Why did Belle fall for a beast? Why did Mr. Darcy drive Lizzie so crazy, when she was spirited, fierce and beautiful and he was a dour, tortured soul?
It's like in Anne of Green Gables when Marilla asks Anne, "Would you want to marry a wicked man?" to which Anne replies, "I wouldn't want to marry anyone who was truly wicked, but I'd like it if he could be wicked--but wouldn't."
It's strange - why women are drawn to jerks and blindly worship them even if they are being treated like garbage. Tonight I was watching episode 12 in Once Upon a Time, where Belle becomes a hero for her family by choosing to live forever with Rumplestiltskin, a man who's darkness has power over the entire kingdom. One day, out of his growing love for her, he releases her from the castle. She goes scot free, only to come running right back with that hopeful gleam in her eyes - the look that says, I want my love to change you, to make you good. Her kiss almost turned him from a monster into a man.
Imagine if it had worked? The tragic undoing of every single person destroyed by the beast's wickedness could have been prevented by the sweet, unassuming way of a woman. It's the story of Esther, approaching the king with gentle boldness and saving her people. It's the story of Jesus overcoming the power of Rome not by a sword, but with love.
There is a tenacity of will and a passion inside every woman to see only what her man can be, not what he is, and I wonder if that blindness isn't always a bad thing.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Love Anyway - Once Upon a Time
“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”
-Mother Teresa
Not gonna lie, I'm a little obsessed with Once Upon a Time.
Tonight's episode showed a glimpse into how Rumplestiltskin became so evil. My stomach turned as I watched the king demand that he kiss his boot, and then kick him hard in the jaw right in front of his only son.
Cruelty like this crawls under my skin. I resolved that, in my own life, I will do whatever it takes to make sure no one will ever feel that way on my account.
Then I thought of at least one person, who, at that moment, was probably feeling pain on some level because of me. It felt like justice to treat them poorly because of the way they treated me.
But that's not God's definition of justice. He says, "Love them anyway." We think it's OK to wish people harm who have harmed us, but those are moments where it's the most critical to love anyway. That is how we reverse the cycle of pain and suffering in this world.
The antagonist is rarely one-dimensional. They antagonize because something, or someone is antagonizing them. By hurting the people who hurt us, we participate in continuing the cycle of pain. Why not be the person who puts their foot down and says, "enough," to our pride, ego, and conceptions of what's fair, because ultimately, it's not about us.
Every day our actions are paying something forward, whether it's bringing hope and life into a situation or death and more pain. When people hurt us, we can be bitter or be gracious. We can pay the pain forward, or put an end to it by choosing to love - even when it "feels" wrong.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”
-Mother Teresa
Not gonna lie, I'm a little obsessed with Once Upon a Time.
Tonight's episode showed a glimpse into how Rumplestiltskin became so evil. My stomach turned as I watched the king demand that he kiss his boot, and then kick him hard in the jaw right in front of his only son.
Cruelty like this crawls under my skin. I resolved that, in my own life, I will do whatever it takes to make sure no one will ever feel that way on my account.
Then I thought of at least one person, who, at that moment, was probably feeling pain on some level because of me. It felt like justice to treat them poorly because of the way they treated me.
But that's not God's definition of justice. He says, "Love them anyway." We think it's OK to wish people harm who have harmed us, but those are moments where it's the most critical to love anyway. That is how we reverse the cycle of pain and suffering in this world.
The antagonist is rarely one-dimensional. They antagonize because something, or someone is antagonizing them. By hurting the people who hurt us, we participate in continuing the cycle of pain. Why not be the person who puts their foot down and says, "enough," to our pride, ego, and conceptions of what's fair, because ultimately, it's not about us.
Every day our actions are paying something forward, whether it's bringing hope and life into a situation or death and more pain. When people hurt us, we can be bitter or be gracious. We can pay the pain forward, or put an end to it by choosing to love - even when it "feels" wrong.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Welcome Intruder
The gentle look in your eyes hits violent chords in me
All night I watch the clock for the crescendo to break
Is there any clean escape from this incessant flowering
Growing and dying, like springtime, inviting
A welcome intruder
Who sits in my roots and climbs up my limbs
Growing, dying, reviving for the win.
How do you fight a thing
With no lips and no arms?
No weapon to swing,
No reason to harm,
When the foe you aim your shots at
Is the one you want to love.
All night I watch the clock for the crescendo to break
Is there any clean escape from this incessant flowering
Growing and dying, like springtime, inviting
A welcome intruder
Who sits in my roots and climbs up my limbs
Growing, dying, reviving for the win.
How do you fight a thing
With no lips and no arms?
No weapon to swing,
No reason to harm,
When the foe you aim your shots at
Is the one you want to love.
Friday, November 9, 2012
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Chick Flicks
My mom said something really interesting about chick flicks in the car today. Don't they always seem to present terrible situations in a sugar-coated, "it will all be OK in the end" sort of way?
At the end of the move, things like divorce, heartbreak, betrayal, etc. wrap up neatly in a nice ending that makes everyone feel good about themselves.
What happened to classics like Gone With the Wind, Great Gatsby, or Troy? Helen brought down an entire kingdom with her shenanigans. Queen Elizabeth did the opposite and got maaaaad respect for it. Actually, a lot of historians say that her rule significantly altered the course of Western history, in a good way. What's funny is that stories likes these from different eras are probably closer to showing the real outcomes in ours. At least more than chick flicks do.
Thinking about this mentally prepared me for what happened a few hours later. A woman was crying as she came out of the bathroom and I felt terrible for her. It was slightly awkward to ask, but I went up to see if she needed prayer. We ended up talking for hours about the challenges she was facing in her marriage, and afterwards she felt so much better.
One day I'll probably look back and realize that everything else in my life was hay, rubble, and wood, burning away in a fire, when moments like these were pure gold.
I'm so sick of the way our culture trivializes everything. We put price tags on each other based on how attractive, funny, wealthy, talented blah blah blah we are. I feel like Peeta in the Hunger Games when he wanted to prove to the game maker that the capitol didn't own him.
Even if we don't agree with the laws that govern this system, we are still under them somehow. For the past week I've had this curious, growing hunger in me to pendulum swing - in a good way - towards something else. Something more noble.
At the end of the move, things like divorce, heartbreak, betrayal, etc. wrap up neatly in a nice ending that makes everyone feel good about themselves.
What happened to classics like Gone With the Wind, Great Gatsby, or Troy? Helen brought down an entire kingdom with her shenanigans. Queen Elizabeth did the opposite and got maaaaad respect for it. Actually, a lot of historians say that her rule significantly altered the course of Western history, in a good way. What's funny is that stories likes these from different eras are probably closer to showing the real outcomes in ours. At least more than chick flicks do.
Thinking about this mentally prepared me for what happened a few hours later. A woman was crying as she came out of the bathroom and I felt terrible for her. It was slightly awkward to ask, but I went up to see if she needed prayer. We ended up talking for hours about the challenges she was facing in her marriage, and afterwards she felt so much better.
One day I'll probably look back and realize that everything else in my life was hay, rubble, and wood, burning away in a fire, when moments like these were pure gold.
I'm so sick of the way our culture trivializes everything. We put price tags on each other based on how attractive, funny, wealthy, talented blah blah blah we are. I feel like Peeta in the Hunger Games when he wanted to prove to the game maker that the capitol didn't own him.
Even if we don't agree with the laws that govern this system, we are still under them somehow. For the past week I've had this curious, growing hunger in me to pendulum swing - in a good way - towards something else. Something more noble.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Faith and Glory
I was driving to New York last week when I heard this on a Tim Keller podcast:
I think this poem describes exactly how God works. A year ago from today I had nothing in my life figured out. I was a recent college grad, waitressing, wandering around my house every day in sweatpants, trying to take my creative work seriously. Everything in me wanted to quit, but I kept feeling that gentle nudge, "Keep going, it's worth it."
...His purposes will ripen fast
Fast forward 8 months and I pinch myself every day, wondering how I got so lucky - not just with more work than I can't keep up with, but with new friendships, fresh creativity, travel opportunities, and seriously magical experiences. It struck me while I was working at the Ace Hotel the other day. I'm starting to live out my dream - creating epiphany moments and moving people's hearts to care about things that matter.
I'm realizing this is how God works: you trust Him fully, he gives you everything and more. The lie we always believe - and the thief of joy - is exactly the opposite: if you follow Him, he's going to withhold from you what you really want. I think the reason why this lie works on us so well is because there is an element of truth in it. Obedience usually requires some level of sacrifice, and it usually feels awful, but it's always the best thing for us.
...The bud may have a bitter taste,
When we step out in faith and do the hard thing, God brings us out into glory, then we step out in faith again, and he brings us even deeper into that glory. Faith and glory are inextricably tied.
Jessi is the best at this. She has the kind of faith that makes her believe God's future promises are true in the present moment. She's always bringing everyone around her on board to risk and trust with her, and it's amazing to get to be a part of it.
We almost have to bulldoze blindly through the confusion until we eventually arrive out in a clearing where we see why all of the fog, mud tracks, and road blocks were necessary. The resistance drives us to a place of full dependence on God, makes us people of character, and stamps a spirit of thankfulness onto our bones - all of which are profoundly more important than any tangible blessing we could receive in this life. It also makes for a better story.
After seeing God work this way so many times, I honestly get a little excited when things get difficult, because I know it can only lead to bigger and brighter seasons of fullness.
His purposes will ripen fast
Unfolding every hour
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.
You fearful saints, fresh courage take!
The clouds you so much dread,
Are big with mercy - and shall break -
With blessings on your head.
I think this poem describes exactly how God works. A year ago from today I had nothing in my life figured out. I was a recent college grad, waitressing, wandering around my house every day in sweatpants, trying to take my creative work seriously. Everything in me wanted to quit, but I kept feeling that gentle nudge, "Keep going, it's worth it."
...His purposes will ripen fast
Unfolding every hour...
Fast forward 8 months and I pinch myself every day, wondering how I got so lucky - not just with more work than I can't keep up with, but with new friendships, fresh creativity, travel opportunities, and seriously magical experiences. It struck me while I was working at the Ace Hotel the other day. I'm starting to live out my dream - creating epiphany moments and moving people's hearts to care about things that matter.
I'm realizing this is how God works: you trust Him fully, he gives you everything and more. The lie we always believe - and the thief of joy - is exactly the opposite: if you follow Him, he's going to withhold from you what you really want. I think the reason why this lie works on us so well is because there is an element of truth in it. Obedience usually requires some level of sacrifice, and it usually feels awful, but it's always the best thing for us.
...The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower...
When we step out in faith and do the hard thing, God brings us out into glory, then we step out in faith again, and he brings us even deeper into that glory. Faith and glory are inextricably tied.
We almost have to bulldoze blindly through the confusion until we eventually arrive out in a clearing where we see why all of the fog, mud tracks, and road blocks were necessary. The resistance drives us to a place of full dependence on God, makes us people of character, and stamps a spirit of thankfulness onto our bones - all of which are profoundly more important than any tangible blessing we could receive in this life. It also makes for a better story.
After seeing God work this way so many times, I honestly get a little excited when things get difficult, because I know it can only lead to bigger and brighter seasons of fullness.
...Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take!
the clouds ye so much dread,
Are big with mercy - and shall break -
With blessings on your head.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Emily Bronte
Remembrance
Cold in the earth -- and the deep snow piled above thee,
Far, far removed, cold in the dreary grave!
Have I forgot, my only Love, to love thee,
Severed at last by Time's all-severing wave?
Now, when alone, do my thoughts no longer hover
Over the mountains, on that northern shore,
Resting their wings where heath and fern leaves cover
Thy noble heart forever, ever more?
Cold in the earth -- and fifteen wild Decembers,
From those brown hills, have melted into spring;
Faithful, indeed, is the spirit that remembers
After such years of change and suffering!
Sweet Love of youth, forgive, if I forget thee,
While the world's tide is bearing me along;
Other desires and other hopes beset me,
Hopes which obscure, but cannot do thee wrong!
No later light has lightened up my heaven,
No second morn has ever shone for me;
All my life's bliss from thy dear life was given,
All my life's bliss is in the grave with thee.
But, when the days of golden dreams had perished,
And even Despair was powerless to destroy,
Then did I learn how existence could be cherished,
Strengthened, and fed without the aid of joy.
Then did I check the tears of useless passion --
Weaned my young soul from yearning after thine;
Sternly denied its burning wish to hasten
Down to that tomb already more than mine.
And, even yet, I dare not let it languish,
Dare not indulge in memory's rapturous pain;
Once drinking deep of that divinest anguish,
How could I seek the empty world again?
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Fun is the New Hot.
Working out has a converse effect on me. The skinner I get, the fatter I feel. Anyone with me?
When you're throwing down triple chocolate meltdowns, life is good. But once bizarre things like getting more defined butt dimples becomes the sole reason for your existence -- you start to hate your body and your life.
I feel like health, fitness, and beauty is this huge melodrama that women get sucked into. And it's so pointless. No one notices when you lose five pounds. Or cares.
This is the thought that led to my brilliant daydream. Imagine if all the beauty-obsessed women in the world transferred their energy into being fun. So like, at a party where everyone would typically be competing for the hottest, trying to get the most guys, and instagramming sexy pictures of themselves (booooring), instead, the secret competition would be about who could be the funniest, the craziest, and make the most people laugh.
The results were as follows:
Since you can't be fun all by yourself - no longer would girls be catty, exclusive, and throwing each other under the bus - they would be spontaneous, silly, and willing to look stupid for a change. In fact, we would probably be having so much fun that we wouldn't care about meeting guys. Then they would have to chase us -- which is what we're really after anyway (lets be honest).
Oh, and, we'd probably all just get skinny from being so happy.
When you're throwing down triple chocolate meltdowns, life is good. But once bizarre things like getting more defined butt dimples becomes the sole reason for your existence -- you start to hate your body and your life.
I feel like health, fitness, and beauty is this huge melodrama that women get sucked into. And it's so pointless. No one notices when you lose five pounds. Or cares.
This is the thought that led to my brilliant daydream. Imagine if all the beauty-obsessed women in the world transferred their energy into being fun. So like, at a party where everyone would typically be competing for the hottest, trying to get the most guys, and instagramming sexy pictures of themselves (booooring), instead, the secret competition would be about who could be the funniest, the craziest, and make the most people laugh.
The results were as follows:
Since you can't be fun all by yourself - no longer would girls be catty, exclusive, and throwing each other under the bus - they would be spontaneous, silly, and willing to look stupid for a change. In fact, we would probably be having so much fun that we wouldn't care about meeting guys. Then they would have to chase us -- which is what we're really after anyway (lets be honest).
Oh, and, we'd probably all just get skinny from being so happy.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
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Sunday, July 29, 2012
July = Heart Explosion
Can someone freeze time?
This may have been the best month of my life--like one heart exploding moment to the next--lots of crazy partying, epiphanies, unexpected surprises, and God's presence thick like honey in all of it.
I'll start from the beginning.
The first week I spent at the beach with my family, mostly with my mom (in her beach chair with her baseball cap, practically in the water all day like a reptile, theorizing and seeing visions of the future). On Friday morning my girlfriends headed to Montauk for the weekend to celebrate Jessi's birthday. We mostly rolled around the town, bar-to-beach, with browning skin and salty hair, chatting about the great romance life is to us. We also created a near circus at Ruschmeyer's (getting 2/3 of the people in a venue to wear face paint for your best friend is an abnormal, but serious victory).
After that I headed to Philly and stayed a few nights with Carolina at the Marriot. We did some stage design for the annual ACTS413 prayer event...and laughed. A lot.
Of course I was running around like a headless chicken shooting the event and--in my spare time--dragging my dad's staff members into a creepy stairwell for ANOTHER secret video shoot for his 50th birthday.
Sneakily, stealthily, we put together a montage that came out with the big news... that he was flying out to the world's BEST golf course in St. Andrews, Scotland!
...the magic of July just kept rolling. Saturday night Jessi and I had a life-changing conversation via an allegory I wrote in college, The Gumblers. It really does blow my mind that God would use a story about alien creatures holding water bubbles to alter the course of someone's destiny.
Speaking of how literature affects us, Monday night we had the author of The Shack over for dinner. When he shared his story, there wasn't a dry eye in the room. I feel like I met a friend, like when two souls are fellow travelers on the same journey. C.S. Lewis says the picture of lovers is two people staring in each other's eyes, but the picture of friendship is two people staring at the road ahead. Friendship is always about something else. Something much bigger than either of you.
And as if this month hasn't been wild enough, I just found out today that Ken Graves, aka The divine and human bird, is visiting tomorrow. {heart explosion times one hundred thousand million}
Dear Ken, you coming to my house, riding trees like a mountain man to the ground, reciting poetry around the fire, and banging tables in righteous anger is probably the best way I could imagine ending the best month of my life.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Cupcake cafe
I like this place! Anita and I basically sat here all day and worked remotely.
The ambience is somewhat shabby-chic with a white stone slab of a table, tons of outlets, benches, and really thrown together decorations (so New York). A big window sits to my left so I can dream and people watch as my files render themselves away. And a big plus is, it's close to jessi.
I can see myself having a meeting here. It's cozy enough to hole yourself up and work all day and not feel restless... Quiet... Unassuming...
The ambience is somewhat shabby-chic with a white stone slab of a table, tons of outlets, benches, and really thrown together decorations (so New York). A big window sits to my left so I can dream and people watch as my files render themselves away. And a big plus is, it's close to jessi.
I can see myself having a meeting here. It's cozy enough to hole yourself up and work all day and not feel restless... Quiet... Unassuming...
Friday, May 11, 2012
Weltschmertz
philosopher-kings
never rule
fat mouths
speak nothing-words
speak nothing-words
to the world
wealth rots
in empty houses
limbless captains
navigate our seas
and no one believes
in stargazers
anymore.
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